The right to repair, Ditching the drive-thru, and Papas Plural

Apply releases DIY, “quick pick-up” chicken, and multiple Johns.
November 19, 2021

If you missed our piece from Wednesday on Algorithm Anxiety, and the omniscience of the god-machine. It's worth your time.

  • Phillip

Entreprenews. Shopify announced the release of their first magazine this week. The first issue is “The New York Edition” and features news and founder stories of Shopify merchants.

Meta’s mega mimic. The Zuckerverse continues to march forward and announced a new prototype technology yesterday: a microfluidic haptic feedback glove. The only problem is that it doesn’t actually seem to be their technology. HaptX CRO, Joe Michaels, is calling them out, saying that after years of hosting Meta employees for demonstrations of HaptX innovations, the new Meta glove “appear(s) to be substantively identical to patented technology that HaptX has spent over a decade developing.”

More Sights and Sounds. A copy of the Constitution sold for $43.2 Million to a private collector who outbid a cryptocurrency group that was vying for it. CVS announced the closure of 900 of its stores. This guy put a 9 ft. tall cardboard cutout of himself in a Kum & Go gas station just to see if he could. And we’re a little late bringing you this story, but honorable mention here is the discovery of Doug, the 17 pound celebrity potato.

If I only had a brain... Apple has surprised everyone and announced that starting in 2022, “customers who are comfortable” will be able to repair their own devices with genuine Apple parts. Their forthcoming repair store will offer over 200 tools and parts for self-service repair. This decision comes after pressure from the right-to-repair movement, though in previous statements, Apple has claimed letting phone owners self-repair would be “dangerous.” I guess we’re not all as dumb as they originally thought.

Quick Chicken. The Colonel (Sanders) is trying to get people out of the drive-thru and back inside the building for his chicken by rolling out a “Quick Pick-Up” option and free large fries for trying it. KFC’s drive-thru wait times have increased by 26 seconds this year and this incentive should help keep their food… fast. In a lofty press release statement, President Kevin Hochman said, “Santa may not be able to give you the gift of time this holiday season, but KFC can.” Father Christmas has not issued a response so far.

The Papas John. That’s right, the pizza provider has dropped the apostrophe in its name to distance itself from founder John Schnatter, following his controversial stances and use of a racial slur. Now Papa Johns belongs to all the Papas out there named John. The founding papa released a lengthy statement criticizing the company for souring his legacy and very humbly concluded that, “Try as they may, they can’t have Papa Johns without Papa John.”

Blue Christmas. Santa may not be coming to every town this year, because of the labor shortage. It seems Santa’s various workshops are struggling to find a St. Nick who will inhabit them.

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